153346 Photo courtesy Bill Bushnell

Mammoth Trip, 2026

September 15

Mammoth Crest



Other stages of the suicide have already taken place or are in progress as more and more aspects of my existence, things I cherish or identify with, things central to my Selbstverständnis crumble and die. I will not enumerate them. I mention but two.

I mention my lone century bike rides and being able to climb hard and fast on a bike, my racing spirit, as that had been the core of my change of attitude twenty or so years ago when I became an athlete. That was the embodiment of the keep moving paradigm. Now I ride with Stella, shorter, slower enjoyment rides that we sometimes actually enjoy. Am I still an athlete? Je ne sais pas. (Perhaps I should let my maximum heart rate determine that?)

I mention the art of fruit-winemaking that I have mastered and that has been such an adventure and yielded such amazing flavors, but that I can no longer pursue because my alcohol tolerance has dwindled and I'd rather be able to sleep. Not that alcohol has been a foundation of my essence - it hasn't - but the pleasure of creating the wines has been exciting and a matter of pride. -F.